Welcome to my November musings where once a month I offer up something highly personal from my life. I share lessons and ideas from my toolbox in the simple hope that they support you along your journey.
Let’s fling it …. Grab something to drink and enjoy this 7.3 minute read.
THE HIGHLAND FLING: TOOLS TO EMBRACE THE TRUE POWER OF RITUAL.
Putting trust once again in closure, letting go and creating space.
For decades I have surrendered to the fact that my main modus operandi is embracing the premise of “letting go in order to make space.” Trusting in the honest and raw power of closure, forgiveness, releasing, honouring the past and putting things to bed. Giving them a rightful place. Creating space in my heart. It’s a huge part of the body of work I have brought to the world by inspiring you to #LiveLightLiveLarge and stop mucking about.
So recently it was my turn again….. to release AGAIN!
Here’s how we think it works:
When I have clinched my ideal job, I’ll resign.
When I’ve seen my dream house, I’ll sell this one.
When I know where I want to live, I’ll pack up life here.
When I know what my next ideal clients look like I’ll say no to the ones showing up.
The moment I have clarity about my future, I’ll close the door on my past. When all my ducks are in a row I’ll take the plunge to XYZ
It simply doesn’t work like this. That’s fear driving your thinking.
Learn to say goodbye before you say hello.
Say no more before you say yes please.
Say no longer before not yet.
Stand up for what is in your heart and energy field even when you don’t have the answers about what’s coming next. It requires your deepest trust and faith and a willingness for deeper self-love.
About 6 weeks ago, having just moved into my Edinburgh apartment for the next 3 months of life #LocationFree, I finally had all my stuff with me. I had collected stuff from mum in Uk and Greece and it was all finally in one place. For the first time in almost 6 years! Even though it’s not a lot of “stuff” (think just a couple of suitcases for Ms. minimalist here) it was a delight to finally see all my precious things together. Apart from my few artworks still in South Africa, every item I owned was with me. I got to see, touch and love them all again.
Which meant I came across a tiny, peach-coloured silken pouch that had been quietly bundled up for over 2 years. I had done a triple whammy – I left South Africa permanently more than 2 years ago, sold part of my business off at the same time and subsequently went through a break up with that partner. I had taken off and left my “commitment” ring with him, with the earnest request to come and give it back to me when he was ready. I had stopped wearing the other two items of jewelry (that had been birthday presents) and placed them in the pouch as I left his house that day and got on the plane. I had not looked at that little pouch again.
So of course, the day I moved into my apartment, I came across the silken pouch, checked out the contents inside and put it back with my jewelry stash. I hardly gave it more than a glance. But something had clearly been awoken again. A couple of days later a dear guy friend and I were chattering on the phone. I was expressing that I was questioning myself again, my abilities to really make a new life, to make Edinburgh and Iona work, to find my feet with work and my next chapter again, to be truly open to love and a partner again. Bla la bla.
WHY ARE YOU GIVING AWAY YOUR SELF-WORTH?
He knows pretty much everything about me – the good the bad and the ugly- knows my deepest fears and biggest dreams, and he simply said to me …..”Kate do you realize that every single time you question your real self worth, that this man’s name somehow comes up. You are still giving him so much power.” GULP. Grrrrrrrr
I was so flipping irritated like a hissing cat. Not with him for showing me that truth, but with myself for it being true.
Still? After more than 2 years? Giving someone else power over MY self worth. For god’s sake surely you know better than that. What the F is wrong with you?! A couple of seconds of fast-self berating!
Slap, slap, slappety – slap.
I knew immediately what I had to do and responded to him saying something like “Oh my god… I’ve still got that ring he gave me! It’s going into the depths of the sea or off a mountain. Not sure which but I’ll know what to do when I do it.” Why had I not thought of that connection when I saw the items just a few days ago? It’s the power of being heard and seen by people who care about us – and my friend had given me that gift of kind yet necessary observation.
I woke up the next morning, 1st October. It was a freezing cold, sunny yet windy day. I wasn’t feeling the water vibe at all – this process definitely needed mountains. High ones! I popped upstairs to my local café, scoffed a solid breakfast and knew I was going up Arthur’s Seat. Armed with a Lorne sausage and egg roll and a triple caffeine shot coffee in my belly, I set off on a mighty mission.
The highland fling! A release mission to reclaim another part of myself I had lost along the way!
It was windy as heck, I huffed and puffed my way up the steep hill from the Meadowbank side. Although I’m pretty strong and fit, I do battle a bit with my lungs sometimes. Ever since first round of the dreaded C in March 2019, I can feel my lungs are just not as strong as they could be. The European cold after 6 years of summer, means I also use an asthma pump more often than I used to. I’ve been working hard on my fitness levels ….but phew, that was a tough walk up that historic hill! I had to stop several times en route up to catch my breath, appreciate the view and slowly keep ploughing onwards and upwards.
A mission burning inside my belly.
I had sunglasses on against the wintry glare and my brightest, reddest lipstick for a morale boost. By the time I got to the top after an amazing 2-hour walk from my home, it was so goddamn windy no one could stand up straight. Everyone, young and old was crawling along holding onto something or someone, trying not to get blown right off the summit. I literally could not stand up straight and felt drunk and daft shimmy-ing along with my butt against the rocks so as not to get knocked over. I realized I wasn’t going to be able to do what I needed to right at the top – so stumbled across to a more protected section just off to the side, a little below the summit or Arthurs seat.
I found a little heather enclosed mound. No one else was around – it was perfect! I lay on the ground on my jacket, with the ring and a pendant I’d worn for years in my hands and started sobbing. Thank goodness for sunglasses – even though no-one was around I felt protected from my own vulnerability ! Thank heavens it was secluded.
My self-annoyance and irritation peaked. I just let myself feel it deeply, again and again and again. I believe that NO ONE takes our power without us giving it away. I know this to be true.
I was having to breathe that deep knowing back into my body.I wasn’t angry with my ex. I was pissed at myself this time!
Taking control once again.
I had been holding myself hostage too long now. Enough Kate.
Stop the lip service and get real.
Come on – we can do this!
I even thought about making a live Instagram of me flinging them – as I was so emotional and was shouting at the howling wind just how much of myself and my self worth I had given away ……but I thought better of it. This felt too personal to share live with you all in that very moment. All at once I stood up, yelled and grunted and FLUNG them. The ring and the pendant! FLUNG them as as far and high as I could. The wind was so strong they didn’t fall straight to the ground – gusts of wind made them dance in the air momentarily ….until they finally dropped out of sight into the heather covered rocks below me.
Tears streaming, gulping while breathing, mascara running in black rivulets. Yet lipstick miraculously still intact I discovered later in the bathroom at the cafe. I started walking down the other side of the mountain where the steep steps are cut into the side of the hill. It started pouring with rain and I started laughing through the tears. I didn’t stop to put on my rain jacket – just carried on crying, laughing, getting wetter and wetter, wearing my sunglasses looking daft and walking carefully. Trying hard not to slip.
Feeling relief and energy started surging again.
I found my wet way to the café called Nicolson’s – where JK Rowling wrote many volumes of Harry Potter. I had been wanting to check it out for my community writing group here in the city, and had decided today was the day. I arrived at about noon – luckily it was not full. I was all Hollywood like and kept my big dark sunglasses on inside, tears streaming and proceeded to order the largest glass of red wine to both warm and cheer me up.
It was done. DONE. Not an ounce of regret. I did however sleep for most of the following 24 hours!
THE GIFT OF RELEASE: This last weekend, just 6 weeks after my heady highland fling, I realized with a grin on my face that I was hiking up a different mountain. A well-timed connection. Huffing and puffing up a new mountain with a fresh perspective and a different guy in front of me.
What’s the point of today’s sharing?
Ritual is the point. The mere fact that a spiritual connection happened after all this time, reminds me of the power of Ritual. Life can change in an instant! Possibility can show up in flash – WHEN YOU ARE READY! Are you ready? My heart feels truly open and ready for a courageous shared life. Why? Because I have rediscovered myself and my space, and am grateful for the deep work I have done the past couple of years.
Release is the gift that creates space.
If you’ve read this far I’m guessing there is resonance in my story for you, right?
WHAT’S YOUR VERSION OF THE HIGHLAND FLING?
What is showing up in a tangible way right now to finally be released? Scan your life, your body and your energy to see what is being put on notice and has reached its sell by date? If it sticks around any longer it might start to fester and poison you.
What one thing do you need to release and heal today?
How is this specific issue represented / showing up (e.g. my ring) and what can you offer up as a ritual of release now. Hit reply to share with me and call up your best friend to commit to releasing it over the next couple of days. You know what is begging to be shifted – so it’s time to simply do it! That’s why you read this far, right?
I wish you deep healing and releasing and flinging
P.S. Some Ideas to ponder – especially before the end of the year:
Burning photographs / journals or an item of clothing
Flinging jewelry or re-modelling it at last
Passing on books you have outgrown
Re thinking a concept you’ve held on for too long
Signing those papers at last
Saying yes to selling your business
Cutting your hair / wardrobe / makeover
Entering that competition
Destroying those letters
Putting your home on the market
Having that courageous conversation
Initiating Divorce or asking for therapy together
Asking them on that date?
Decluttering some space representing the stuck part of you
Firing that member of staff
Saying no to your business partner
Tidying out your grocery / medicine cupboard for renewed health
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