Staying sane using the S.E.T. Method

By February 7, 2022August 12th, 2022Uncategorized

Please be warned – this is a vulnerable post and even a tad risque in what I share if you get to the end (hangs her head with a laugh). Definitely proceed with a sense of humour.

As we greet the end of January with the delightful promise of new energy and vitality as the Water Tiger pounces on the scene as Chinese New Year unfolds tomorrow, it’s suddenly time for my next insider musings.

Recently I had a wake up reminder (aka love nudge) about how I really do attempt to approach every day. Sometimes it has to be a very conscious application to align with my motto of #LiveLightLiveLarge …and other times it seeps effortlessly into the air I breathe. Today’s musing is about needing to consciously activate the S.E.T Method to regain my own sanity!

As my Nan would say, “pull yourself towards yourself.”

Such an apt saying for this months sharing.

Grab something to drink for your 9-minute read – and please remember to drop me a mail to say how you might tap into the S.E.T Method

When we reached the last few months of ’21 and I took occupation of a gorgeous new flat in Edinburgh, I was deeply inspired from the inside out to write and share more with you. I decided these musings were only going to be for my insider subscribers, and I started putting a lot of energy and personal sharing into them. Your response has been simply phenomenal and your messages kept me inspired to keep at it and for that I am deeply grateful. I post somewhat vulnerable musings from my life, at age 53 and doing my best to live my best life possible with ALL the ups and downs, laughter and ugly cries that go with that. How do I approach life, what do I do for healing, closure, when things go completely awry, and perhaps even this year you will get some dating laughs.


You can read all of those past musings on my blog here with the password LOVE (Yes, in capitals)

Today, speeding northwards on a train to Glasgow and then the most beautiful trip to Oban, I am drawn to share a story from a few weeks ago, as January started unfolding. That Highland Fling ritual I shared last year, had flung a new interesting soul my way, and the précis version of it kind of reads like this…

Mutual client friend has inspired thought to introduce us
Meet interesting soul Mr X
Lure of a kiss and a river
Mountain adventures
Soul connections
Dreaded “C” x 2
Me impersonating Florence Nightingale
Experiencing my own version of Outlander
New festive plans required
Island adventures
Followed by… well, what can I say other than …followed by January.
The oddest of months, right?
For you too?

Here goes: Over New Year I set up my gorgeous new writing and retreat base in this great company of Mr X on the Sacred Isle of Iona and then two weeks later, headed back into Edinburgh city mid January. The dance between the two landscapes suits me very well for this next 3M chapter.

Island girl and city gal. I think I love this vibe…

Onto the point of todays sharing of my SET Method. I’m back in the city and lapping up the New Year. While it’s been a deeply introspective and quiet start for many of you, mine was a lot more active and focused. January turned out to be a profound month of personal productivity, purpose, energy, and clarity about where I’m headed with my passion business and working with women on the threshold of making courageous leaps! I was meeting up with all my wonderful Edinburgh friends, connecting with my local writing group, signing new private coaching clients, booking my Iona Retreats, filling our Greek and Italian Writing Retreats for summer and getting on with my awesome life.

After all I do live an awesome life and after almost 2.5 years of healing and being single I honestly believe sharing it with someone else is a delicious cherry on top – not something to hanker after and chase, yet something I am embracing and calling in. So when it came crashing into my life on all fronts in November, I paid attention, said yes and made space to show up big time.

But after the précis shared above, January has found me sitting with a profound sense of WTF happened, mixed with some sadness and heaps of confusion. I’m missing a beat somewhere. My heart and soul is clearly going through a deep healing process right now. I’m experiencing the gift of what happens when another soul helps us along our journey to become the best version of ourselves.

So my saddened heart story was unfolding alongside all the wonderful vibrant energy. It definitely was NOT derailing me. I have luckily been able to somehow see the experience of that encounter with Mr X as existing in a beautiful metallic singing bowl. At one point that singing bowl emanated the most beautiful music and then this month it has been sitting patiently (mmmm, not always!) and quietly waiting to burst with sound once again. Yet all the while being pretty contained and not spilling out tooooooo much into the rest of my life.

If you have been watching my Instagram lives, you might already know my THEME WORDS for this year are TRUST and EXPANSION.
Trust feels aligned to this lesson and insight for my heart and soul.
Expansion feels very aligned to my business ventures and passion projects.
TRUST means if something or someone is meant to be then nothing will keep it from you, and if something or someone is not meant to be, nothing can make it so.

But that would be far too easy if we could LIVE that in every, single. flipping moment right? Cue some dramatic “dum dum dum” music as I get struck down by the joy and irony of BEING HUMAN!
Thanks universe. No easy ride on this one then?

The singing bowl metaphor went awry and it started leaking!
Messy flowing emotions everywhere.
Feeling distracted, a tad distraught, wanting answers, insights, wanting outcomes…a ‘what the hell is happening here’ kind of vibe.

And here comes the ridiculous laugh at my expense …

I found myself starting to check social media about 20 times day, checking my phone to see ‘who’ was online, behaving like a totally numbskull!

Giving a lot of my energy and time to…well nothing really. Cos nothing was happening other than in my head. The intensity of connection was replaced by nada.

My S.E.T METHOD is how I approach life from both the macro and micro level. Looking at what you need to let go of so that you bring your energy into the present, and from that point you create a fabulous future. It’s the motto of my life and the reason for my business. Letting go, closure, forgiveness, healing, moving on with energy in tact and being able to SIT IN THE GAP that exists between No Longer and Not Yet.

At a daily level I use a slightly more practical approach that can be a faster way to clean up and tackle each day with intention.
S.E.T Method stands for the following:

S = SUCK
E = EQUILIBIRUIM
T = TANTALISING

After about three days of my ridiculous energy-dispersing behaviour, I burst out laughing at myself and decided I needed to put into practice what I know.
AGAIN dear human.

Me muttering to myself, “Kate come on. It’s time to ask yourself the series of question you live by. Let’s get going already…”

  1. WHAT IS SUCKING YOUR PRECIOUS ENERGY?
  2. WHAT WILL BRING YOU SOME EQUILIBRIUM?
  3. WHAT IS TANTALISING TO SAY YES TO RIGHT NOW?

Quite evocative things to ponder with no hint of wishy washy in sight. No Grey!
I needed to stop the obsessions at play under the first SUCK question! Fast.

***FACING THE SUCK
1. I was letting social media eat my time and energy. Constantly checking Insta, Facebook, messages, mail. You know this routine right? I took action and simply muted those certain Instagram Stories and Posts, so they were no longer in my face every time I ventured online. I made a promise to myself to stay off Social Media altogether for 24 hours – something I do regularly but hadn’t been sticking to. DUH!
Next, I put my phone on airplane mode so no one could bug me and I couldn’t go down the rabbit hole for several hours and could focus on re-building my energy internally with nothing SUCKING at it.

Off with you oh comparison social media monster! Sometimes knowing who is doing what, when, where and with whom can be destructive and energy sucking. It is like sugar and alcohol – hard to resist when it’s in the system. Control, Alt, Delete.

2. I fasted for the rest of the day and next morning to get my sugar cravings under control

3. I wrote a quick action plan for the following week to make sure there was nothing pulling at my work energy or fallen off the radar

Ok – I was instantly more in control of the leaking bucket.


***EMBRACING THE EQUILIBIRUM
This is about doing the things that we know are good for our body, heart and soul. The things we ideally need to do often and consistently in order to embrace that sense of calm, balance, and poised equilibrium.

1. I did some yin yoga at home to calm my nervous system

2. I sat and wrote in my journal whole sipping hot lemon ‘n ginger water

3. I energetically tuned into what I really needed to do until I got an answer – ah so simple – walk the city in the morning light and go sit in a church to feel the presence of spirit again.

With that insight I got dressed and embarked on one of the most beautiful walks as the dawn light was playing over Edinburgh. The silhouettes of the buildings and trees were exquisite and healing. I felt gratitude returning to my insides. I walked for hours and then found myself in the main city cathedral. As I walked in the choir was practicing and it was like the angels of the world were singing just to me. I sat and meditated intuitively using the infinity symbol before the service started. Full to the brim with exquisite architecture, healing voices and a calmness seeping out of my pores, I stepped back out into the glorious sunshine.

***YES TO THE TANTALISING

The third part of this three-fold method is about saying YES to some tantalizing aspects– juicy, delicious and energizing things that makes you beam with joy and smile from ear to ear. It has more energy and vibrancy than the embracing of equilibrium. So now, what was I to do?

1. Tantalizing Trick
One of my tricks in new cities to visit the grand old hotels to get a real feeling of the city from yester-year. Just for a simple cup of glorious coffee. They come complete with excellent staff, silver service, in glorious surroundings and far outweigh popping into a regular high street chain for a quick brew. It’s a ritual of immense delight for me.

I found myself walking with a skip in my step to the beautiful Balmoral Hotel on Princes St.

A kilt-wearing doorman (which always makes me smile) greets you and ushers you inside and that morning I was taken to the Palm Room, specifically for morning coffee. Another tartan-clad waiter escorted me to a “throne –like” chair from which I could simply bask in the beauty of this exquisite room. Everything was simply tantalizing – the fine crockery with a delicate green palm pattern, the silver coffee pot and the accompanying Scottish heather shortbread biscuits.

The room had an exquisite tree be-jeweled with fairy lights – I felt like a queen. See pics below. Of course, I had my journal and pen with me so wrote a little bit while basking in the regal Scottish energy.

I have also been activating and stepping up my energy to embrace being more “Queen-like.” This means truly and honestly embodying who I am and what I know, being able to be of real service to people who need my unique kind of help and support. Also knowing that I am ready to call in a “King” to take up place on the throne beside me. I am working on that rather than reducing my standards of what I truly desire for myself. Tough one!

Calling in an aligned partner is a want, a delicious desire, not a need. I come from the premise of living a full life that can get even sweeter with a witness, partner and adventure playmate. I reveled in sitting on that chair in the Balmoral drinking my coffee and dreaming my next phase of life into being, while just savoring every single sip of coffee.

2. Tantalizing Treats
I can’t really believe I’m going to share this right now – but my PROMISE is to be vulnerable and share ALL the ups and downs, highs and lows and be REAL for you when penning these musings!

Walking home to the West End along Princes Street after my morning adventure, I walked the route I have walked a gazillion times living in this city. I walked past the Ann Summers shop – only today I walked IN and straight to the back of the store. If you know what this store is, you know exactly what I bought. Nudge nudge wink wink. If you don’t – use your imagination or Google what the store sells. It was time for some self tantalizing. Oh there is so much I can share from my life but suffice it to say that it was time to take matters into my own hands so to speak, and shift some of this energy I had been grappling with.

Ha ha – yes my mum reads this newsletter too! (Hangs heads and laughs at self on the train as I write this.) Thank goodness I can laugh at myself! Can you?

3. Tantalizing Tootsies
Next I did everything in my power to get my sizzling hot salsa shoes from South Africa. Those sexy heels have been waiting ever so patiently for me. Living out of a suitcase #LocationFree meant that every item of clothing I travelled with for the past 6 years, needed to be clever and multipurpose. Salsa shoes can only be used for dancing, so they never made it into my suitcase and remained in South Africa with my art. Being reunited with them now, thanks to a sweet young friend who popped them in his suitcase, I am armed with the right shoes and my toes at the ready when classes open up again this week in my neighborhood.
I see some tantalizing moves coming up soon – ooh la la. Cue sexy music this time.

So if you made it this far into the read – I am wondering how YOU are going to utilize the S.E.T METHOD to stay on top of your own world. It’s so simple …

Get rid of what is SUCKING at your energy
Embrace and restore inner EQUILIBRIUM
Say yes to something TANTALIZING

I hope you got a wee laugh today and another practical nugget to use practically in your life. Till next month, enjoy February with the new Tiger energy in the month of LOVE.

With Lightness,
Kate

READY TO EMBRACE YOUR NEXT CHAPTER?

I am fascinated with helping you make courageous leaps at significant moments in life transitions. Perhaps it’s a big birthday beckoning soon, a new chapter approaching, a project ending, your home being sold, an empty nest looming, divorce or death to process and you need a fresh perspective to help you close out the old and welcome in the new? I am also currently mentoring new coaches getting started with their coaching business models – with over 19 years of coaching, mentoring, speaking, facilitating experience as well as 5 published book and a movie under my professional belt – I find it super easy to support new coaches in the right direction to gain traction, impact and clients FAST!

Please reach out to me directly on kate@kate-emmerson.com to start a conversation.