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honesty Archives - Kate Emmerson

Apr 21
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What to do when what you do isn’t doing you!

By Coaching Tips 'n Tools, Insights to help you #quickshift, Uncategorized

What to do when what you do isn’t doing you!
How to move gently through the space of being “bored” of and questioning your supposed passion.

Damn I hate this space – has that feeling ever fallen like the soft patter of rain around you but at some point starts shifting in energy and begins feeling more like it’s a choking smog noosing your neck? When you start feeling a mixture of bored and hemmed in by your very own business, your very own passion. The one YOU created. The one where you can’t blame your boss or your company because well, essentially, YOU created it all.

Oh, the sweet, annoying irony!

I’m in that love-hate relationship right now. With my energy levels, my enthusiasm, my business model, and my future dwelling. It’s a tad too ironic for me! If you read my second book DITCH YOUR GLITCH you will already know the pain ‘n pleasures I faced when having to repurpose my life 8 years go. And I feel a similar time is dawning. A time to think about a new way to do. DO LIFE.

There are honestly days where all I want is a million bucks (not too greedy but can it be in dollars please!) stashed in an offshore account somewhere (can you tell I DON’T have one of those yet), and the luxury of 6 months with ZERO obligations.

ZERO

OBLIGATIONS

I’m fast realizing I have already packed one hundred and fifty years worth of experiences into my meager 49 (on Monday 24th April) years! Some days I love the work I do – feel blessed, ignited, engaged, tuned in, and on others – well let’s say the love factor is a tad lacking.

I want, no NEED to create a new way – forge a new rhythm. It helps me help you better! Going location free last year helped me create an even more beautiful life where I get to travel and share my energy with more people globally, but at the same time there is a lack of …..yes and what next? Trying to live each day in the moment coupled with where is this all going. I do NOT have all the answers, so I am merely musing about how do I,  YOU and us navigate awkward space when it is upon us?

Do you recognize this – where some days you love the work you do and quite frankly there are also other days you just don’t give a damn. This is true for me and  I know this is possibly gonna make you think – hell girl, how on earth can I trust you enough to work with you to help me shift my life?

Well because I’m busy re-configuring things, just like you are. Finding a way forward without dropping all I have worked so hard for. Does that ring true for you too? I know I need some more drastic changes again to step it all up another notch. It is notches, isn’t it? Sometimes it’s little steps, other times a salsa move here and there, next some massive leaps and then periods of confusion and rest. I feel the older I get simultaneously the “scareder” and the bolder I get. I have to wrestle the fear monster to the ground more often and embrace the bold leaper in me more and more. Our tomorrow isn’t promised, so the question is,”What to do when what you do isn’t doing you?”

When the appeal of having to inspire, cajole, shift someone towards their goals or just listen to someone ever again seems too much to ask in the moment and the thought of a six-month silent meditation retreat way up on a hilltop rates high on the appeal list, then I know it’s time! When I start oscillating like this I know I’m in for a bit of a ride that involves culling, setting new boundaries and calling on some bigass boldness in what I choose to channel my work energy into.

I know what it is – I have just been procrastinating!

That’s also the joy of getting older – I really don’t have to try and do everything and the biggest gift to myself is alignment and doing what matters the most and gives my soul the best kick of energy in return.  Are you at that point yet? I know I’m just messing with my head – because helping and inspiring others in some form just lives in my blood. So I know a few things that I suggest to myself to do when the “What to do when what you do isn’t doing you” mode kicks in…

Get more self-care – massage, reflex, support etc

Practise KINDNESS – for me and YOU

Close out some things draining my energy

Say no to stuff I really don’t want to do

Make different decisions about work I choose to go after for the next 6 months

Be bolder with my fees and simultaneously the value I offer

Sleep more

Juice more

Just let the stuff going on in my head and heart play itself out – sit with it and befriend it for a while

Stop forcing it to shift, ‘cos I know my personal tide will shift – just like yours will.

Like writing blog posts. I last did a newsletter to my database at the end of March, and no matter how often I saw the “task” reminding me to love my database and send a newsletter -I just couldn’t muster up any enthusiasm to write to you. Rude? Mmm, perhaps just honest. Then at the ungodly hour of 1.30 am this morning, with a bit of jet lag still lurking, an energizing call with our professional writer’s mastermind group and the weight of my partner in the hospital, I find myself wide-eyed and willing to write again. LUCKY you ha ha.

SO, WHAT TO DO NEXT?
If you feel like I’m not a total nutter then my birthday gift to YOU is valued at R397 ($30)

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With lightness for keeping it real

Kate

Oct 07
Love0

Courageous conversations blah blah blah…

By Coaching Tips 'n Tools, Insights to help you #quickshift, Selling Your Home

How can you have the right conversations  – so it’s not all bla bla bla and a mouthful of teeth!

There is an incredible POWER and emotional release that comes from having COURAGEOUS CONVERSATIONS. And more often than not you have to have a different perspective to allow yourself to even go there. In the fascinating world of CLUTTER that I “play” in, I believe that holding on to things in the emotional realm can carry more weight than all the contents of your entire house, or office. Hundreds of kilograms! It is tangible, heavy, debilitating and will always keep you STUCK IN THE PAST. If you feel like your life is being ruled and ruined by others, by things that have transpired in your life perhaps it’s time to take a long hard look at what YOU NEED to do now to heal and release yourself from the pain of what you are holding onto.

Do you need to have any courageous conversations in your life? Do you even know what they are when I say the word?

When I have the privilege of sharing time with audiences as their speaker I will often get hundreds of people in a room to put their hands on their hearts, or do an old fashioned “pinkie swear” – attaching little fingers to their best friend or colleague – as a public commitment to clear out heavy emotional clutter. That’s the first step after being honest enough to admit that you even need to have one. So getting a room full of people on their feet to bravely share the courageous conversation they need to have in their life, can be an immense turning point. All too often we cannot even get to the point to ADMIT to ourselves that there is a conversation to be had, because it so much easier to stay on THIS side of the conversation. It’s safer. We also find all sorts of excuses, some conscious and others underlying that drive our behaviours unbeknownst to us …

 

We are too BUSY

Too lazy

Too scared

Too locked in victim mode

Everyone else needs me right now

It will change if I just let it “be” and not rock the boat

Bla bla bla

Coming “clean” and being honest with yourself and others will positively effect you on all levels and will feel like an immense fog lifting. It won’t necessary solve it all immediately, but no longer having to hide and keep up the façade will offer some relief to your heart and soul.

 

What is a courageous conversation?

It is probably the one you DO NOT WANT TO HAVE. The one that fills you with the most dread, fear or embarrassment. Or the one that may possibly change your life the most through the risk and guts it requires from you. Or the one that may require you to walk away from people and places you love. The one that can turn the pit of your stomach to acid and your legs to jelly in a flash. The one that feels like it will rip you apart even just thinking about it.

 

 Yep…the one you need to have!

OFTEN IT IS WITH YOURSELF!

 

You already know which one it is you need to have as you are reading this blog…but knowing humans pretty well, including myself, you are probably pushing it aside right now and pretending it’s not THE one to have… all the fear kicks in…I know what we do as I have been there!!

 

 Here are a few examples of “opening lines” for these big ol’ chats

  • I resent how much you work over the weekends, every weekend
  • I have been having an affair for the past 2 years
  • I am no longer in love with you, even though I love you
  • I need to go into debt review and we may lose the house
  • I have been making use of internet porn
  • I am an alcoholic
  • I’m sorry that I ……
  • I’m angry at you for being absent in the kids lives
  • I am illegal in this county and want to apply for legal residency
  • I stole money from you ten years ago
  • I have just been retrenched and I am terrified to talk about it
  • You are a bully and I’m scared of you
  • I really need to be acknowledged for my hard work on this project
  • I love you and …will you marry me?
  • I want to sell this house and move to another country
  • You still owe me that money you borrowed and its affecting our friendship
  • I can no longer tolerate your abuse of animals and am reporting you to the SPCA

 

 What are the real clues you need a courageous conversation?

  • There is something that hangs over you every single day causing stress
  • You are hiding something from someone / several people
  • There is a feeling of shame, embarrassment, guilt, fear etc
  • You are angry or even slightly annoyed with someone
  • The mere thought of having the conversation leaves you sweaty or anxious
  • There is huge potential risk attached to the conversation
  • You feel like you could “lose” something dear to you
  • It is easier NOT to have the conversation ‘cos it is very uncomfortable!

 

Lots of us will say…. ah Kate you know I HAVE dealt with this, it is better to let sleeping dogs lie, don’t open the can of worms, it is not worth the risk, I will deal with this on my own, I’m not good with being honest etc. We have a hundred valid excuses. But if there are still any emotions that come up for you that have not been dealt with or addressed, it is always better out than buried inside you. The amount of energy it requires to keep something hidden is like holding a big beach ball under water…it always wants to pop up and bounce back on top of the water.

 

Is there a real RISK?

Of course there is a risk.

Let’s be real here, but life is risky every single day!

If you are trying to live your life without any risk at all, you are not truly living, and if you are trying to live your life everyday playing it too safe, you die metaphorically LONG before your death.

 

Risk is not always a bad thing!

 

There is a potentially positive risk that the outcome will be way better than you can ever have imagined, or at the very least you get to feel the relief at having had the conversation and be able to move on. But yes, to be brutally honest in some instances the outcome could be your worst nightmare. The very thing you are trying to avoid hence one of the biggest reasons you are NOT having the conversation. But at what cost to you? You may lose your job, your partner, go to jail, become bankrupt, get evicted, become the subject of a scandal and even lose friends.

But what about doing the right thing for the right reasons and being fearless to set yourself free?

Sometimes you may even need to get professional advice before having a courageous conversation. But in my experience the reward usually outweighs the risk.

You have to be willing to walk through the fire to the other side….

 

RIGHT – THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU NEED TO DO IN ORDER TO GET STARTED!
Yup, RIGHT NOW!

 

I am so passionate about this concept of LIVING FREE FROM ANXIETY and EMOTIONAL CLUTTER- releasing ourselves from all the YUCKY STUFF that holds our hearts back, causes pain and steals our power, that for me it all starts with being HONEST.

And sometimes for that, we need to create SPACE!

Sign up for my latest series- THE STRATEGIC POWER OF DISCONNECTING.
No charge, just my thoughts that have worked for me and clients!