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baggage Archives - Kate Emmerson

Courageous conversations blah blah blah…

By Coaching Tips 'n Tools, Insights to help you #quickshift, Selling Your Home

How can you have the right conversations  – so it’s not all bla bla bla and a mouthful of teeth!

There is an incredible POWER and emotional release that comes from having COURAGEOUS CONVERSATIONS. And more often than not you have to have a different perspective to allow yourself to even go there. In the fascinating world of CLUTTER that I “play” in, I believe that holding on to things in the emotional realm can carry more weight than all the contents of your entire house, or office. Hundreds of kilograms! It is tangible, heavy, debilitating and will always keep you STUCK IN THE PAST. If you feel like your life is being ruled and ruined by others, by things that have transpired in your life perhaps it’s time to take a long hard look at what YOU NEED to do now to heal and release yourself from the pain of what you are holding onto.

Do you need to have any courageous conversations in your life? Do you even know what they are when I say the word?

When I have the privilege of sharing time with audiences as their speaker I will often get hundreds of people in a room to put their hands on their hearts, or do an old fashioned “pinkie swear” – attaching little fingers to their best friend or colleague – as a public commitment to clear out heavy emotional clutter. That’s the first step after being honest enough to admit that you even need to have one. So getting a room full of people on their feet to bravely share the courageous conversation they need to have in their life, can be an immense turning point. All too often we cannot even get to the point to ADMIT to ourselves that there is a conversation to be had, because it so much easier to stay on THIS side of the conversation. It’s safer. We also find all sorts of excuses, some conscious and others underlying that drive our behaviours unbeknownst to us …

 

We are too BUSY

Too lazy

Too scared

Too locked in victim mode

Everyone else needs me right now

It will change if I just let it “be” and not rock the boat

Bla bla bla

Coming “clean” and being honest with yourself and others will positively effect you on all levels and will feel like an immense fog lifting. It won’t necessary solve it all immediately, but no longer having to hide and keep up the façade will offer some relief to your heart and soul.

 

What is a courageous conversation?

It is probably the one you DO NOT WANT TO HAVE. The one that fills you with the most dread, fear or embarrassment. Or the one that may possibly change your life the most through the risk and guts it requires from you. Or the one that may require you to walk away from people and places you love. The one that can turn the pit of your stomach to acid and your legs to jelly in a flash. The one that feels like it will rip you apart even just thinking about it.

 

 Yep…the one you need to have!

OFTEN IT IS WITH YOURSELF!

 

You already know which one it is you need to have as you are reading this blog…but knowing humans pretty well, including myself, you are probably pushing it aside right now and pretending it’s not THE one to have… all the fear kicks in…I know what we do as I have been there!!

 

 Here are a few examples of “opening lines” for these big ol’ chats

  • I resent how much you work over the weekends, every weekend
  • I have been having an affair for the past 2 years
  • I am no longer in love with you, even though I love you
  • I need to go into debt review and we may lose the house
  • I have been making use of internet porn
  • I am an alcoholic
  • I’m sorry that I ……
  • I’m angry at you for being absent in the kids lives
  • I am illegal in this county and want to apply for legal residency
  • I stole money from you ten years ago
  • I have just been retrenched and I am terrified to talk about it
  • You are a bully and I’m scared of you
  • I really need to be acknowledged for my hard work on this project
  • I love you and …will you marry me?
  • I want to sell this house and move to another country
  • You still owe me that money you borrowed and its affecting our friendship
  • I can no longer tolerate your abuse of animals and am reporting you to the SPCA

 

 What are the real clues you need a courageous conversation?

  • There is something that hangs over you every single day causing stress
  • You are hiding something from someone / several people
  • There is a feeling of shame, embarrassment, guilt, fear etc
  • You are angry or even slightly annoyed with someone
  • The mere thought of having the conversation leaves you sweaty or anxious
  • There is huge potential risk attached to the conversation
  • You feel like you could “lose” something dear to you
  • It is easier NOT to have the conversation ‘cos it is very uncomfortable!

 

Lots of us will say…. ah Kate you know I HAVE dealt with this, it is better to let sleeping dogs lie, don’t open the can of worms, it is not worth the risk, I will deal with this on my own, I’m not good with being honest etc. We have a hundred valid excuses. But if there are still any emotions that come up for you that have not been dealt with or addressed, it is always better out than buried inside you. The amount of energy it requires to keep something hidden is like holding a big beach ball under water…it always wants to pop up and bounce back on top of the water.

 

Is there a real RISK?

Of course there is a risk.

Let’s be real here, but life is risky every single day!

If you are trying to live your life without any risk at all, you are not truly living, and if you are trying to live your life everyday playing it too safe, you die metaphorically LONG before your death.

 

Risk is not always a bad thing!

 

There is a potentially positive risk that the outcome will be way better than you can ever have imagined, or at the very least you get to feel the relief at having had the conversation and be able to move on. But yes, to be brutally honest in some instances the outcome could be your worst nightmare. The very thing you are trying to avoid hence one of the biggest reasons you are NOT having the conversation. But at what cost to you? You may lose your job, your partner, go to jail, become bankrupt, get evicted, become the subject of a scandal and even lose friends.

But what about doing the right thing for the right reasons and being fearless to set yourself free?

Sometimes you may even need to get professional advice before having a courageous conversation. But in my experience the reward usually outweighs the risk.

You have to be willing to walk through the fire to the other side….

 

RIGHT – THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU NEED TO DO IN ORDER TO GET STARTED!
Yup, RIGHT NOW!

 

I am so passionate about this concept of LIVING FREE FROM ANXIETY and EMOTIONAL CLUTTER- releasing ourselves from all the YUCKY STUFF that holds our hearts back, causes pain and steals our power, that for me it all starts with being HONEST.

And sometimes for that, we need to create SPACE!

Sign up for my latest series- THE STRATEGIC POWER OF DISCONNECTING.
No charge, just my thoughts that have worked for me and clients!

 

 

 

The amusement of irony – is it time for a self-weighing suitcase?

By Get organised NOW, Transformational Journeys

Have you even been so vehemently FOR or AGAINST something that it smacks you in the face? Even just a little bit?

 

Well I sure get that often. I also know that thank goodness I can see the irony and have a massive laugh about it and instantly think … ooooh there’s an interesting blog topic.

 

So – you may know from my last newsletter about my EPIC year ahead- embarking on my MINIMALIST MANIFESTO and being location free. That means simply being wherever I am and working mostly from my trusty Mac. A Mac AIR – see the irony that it’s so LIGHT it wants to travel too. If you missed that post and want to read more and watch my video, click here.

 

In a nutshell I am travelling the world for work, all belongings with me, (3 boxes and a Batisse piece in storage as my only other belongings to be shipped one day – pics in previous post!) in an aim to really take my notion and love of living clutter free, light and joyously to the N’th degree.

 

I’m working on the concept of 10X  living lighter for 10x  living larger

 

So I gallivant off to the UK to surprise my mom – whilst chilling out with her is always divine, this trip is actually to unleash my work on HER this time. I surprise her at King’s Cross station, having snuck into Heathrow unbeknownst to her, am booked on the same train up North as her with the sleuth-like help of my brother and watcher face as she walks out the lift – I announce “I’m here for a month and we are doing your house!”

 

We need to de-clutter her ready for downsizing when she moves later in 2016. I know the irony again right – she would sell and move in my busiest work period and I wouldn’t be able to come and assist her and then I’d feel super “kak” (for my overseas subscribers it’s a delightful South African word for feeling horrible/ guilty/SH%% all at once) at not being able to slip in a trip to support her big move. Well small move seeing as she’s downsizing!

For a laugh, we found pics of course – this is me at about 4 – already bossy with hand on hip, and then me at about 20, probably squirelling biscuits in my cheeks  at the height of my bulimic GLITCH I speak about in my second book DITCH YOUR GLITCH.

2016-04-09 12.44.492016-04-09 13.09.49

So, I had a clear month in my diary because possible trips to Goa and the USA both got postponed as things weren’t lining up and I also did not need to be IN any specific place for 30 days. Which to be clear, this doesn’t mean “holiday”, it means I’m totally location free and devoid of face to face engagements for talks, workshops etc. It means time for working on my online business, looking after my writing mastermind group and doing my own writing etc. and then of course MUM’s HOUSE! You know, I just thought I’d be clear before you get green with envy, spitting into your morning coffee thinking that I’m swanning around the planet doing nothing. Pretending to LIVE LIGHT LIVE LARGE.

I’ll definitely let you know when I’m doing THAT.

Let’s go back a month…upon departing at OR TAMBO I was SO chuffed to have my baggage weigh-in at EXACTLY 21.3 kg’s. Happy dance at check in. Ok, to be honest they thankfully never weigh my hand luggage as that is always filled with some books to both read and my own for marketing purposes.

A month later, mum’s house has experienced a tornado called Kate whilst there is STORM KATIE in the UK – irony yet again which made me shriek with laughter when we saw the name of the storm – but not laugh at the terrible updates of devastation it caused. I have also sold some DVDs, offloaded books, given small gifts and only gathered some small things as gifts to me from family. And then there is a pot of special BETTY’S JAM for my man. That could be another entire post.

2016-03-27 22.27.26-1

To be fair to my brain trying to understand this, on travel day I do land up wearing different clothing to that which I flew to the UK in, so heck, maybe my shoes in the case are heavier after all, but to be honest I was WAY more concerned about my own excess baggage after drinking copious wine and scrummy food all month as we reveled in each day’s work we accomplished. But after packing my case ready to depart, I also thought, darn this feels heavier. Yes, yes – I don’t have one of those fancy schmancy self-weighing suitcases yet.

YET!

So thank heavens for dear friends – Not sure if you remember a few years ago an old dear school friend “B” had tracked me down on Fb and then flew me to the UK to de-clutter his entire house and look for a “court required” check worth a gazillion pounds – well the same fella is meeting me at Heathrow for a coffee and a cuddle. We walk me over the check in to get rid of one bag….

I’ll prefer not to say which airline – as dear “N” who checked me in will get into trouble! On goes my wild-coloured suitcase (pics in blog post here) and ……25.5 KG!

2016-04-11 11.06.19

Oops she says it’s overweight. We’ll have to weigh your hand luggage. Now to be fair I have a laptop bag as well which has about 4 KGs of stuff. But my HAND luggage felt as light as a feather compared to what it HAD been on earlier trips this year.

Eeeck 10 kg’s

Not doing too well here am I? Miss clutter free Katie?

So N says, it’s fine, just take a bit of stuff like books or shoes out hand luggage and pop into big suitcase and then you can pay for excess heavy luggage.

I’m mortified. The ONLY time I have ever paid for excess luggage since my first trip to Kuruman on my own at age 8, is when travelling with kitty kats, or boxes of books for functions. But NEVER for my own personal belongings.

I’m fast realizing at check-in that perhaps every time I do fly I’ve got at least 12 kg’s in hand luggage. I’m seriously mortified, embarrassed and start grumbling over my words

I can’t believe this

I’ve never been over weight before – In luggage that is!

THIS IS WHAT I DO FOR A LIVING – looking up at her then I start laughing!!!! I am moving 2 books and one shoe into suitcase and at that moment my dear friend B says- “show her your book” as I’m about to zip shut my life to go off down the conveyor belt

Me: Shut up what are you talking about

N: Yes she says, show me your book, show me your book, what do you do?

B: SHOW HER YOUR BOOK!

Back and forth we go…

Me: I organize and live light

B: Show her your book

N: Yes PLEASE show me your book

Me: This is a cool blog post to share how poor I am at living light

 

Sheepishly I haul out CLEAR YOUR CLUTTER and hand it to her

B: SIGN IT FOR HER!

Me: Yes I’ll give it to her- keep my weight down!

N: squeals and says you are my hero, I LOVE being organized.

ME: Yes it’s all other stuff too like body and emotional.

B: LAUGHING

N: Yes she squeals when I’m stressed I clear out.

Me thinking: Girl after my own heart and I ask her name and sign her the book.

Coming from SA you know this is sounding a lot like bribery right – I just wanted to pay my excess, see my suitcase go off to never land for the night, pay my fine make B buy me coffee so could go to duty free to buy more stuff for gifts!

She pops my suitcase back on the belt, quickly adds a heavy tag and whisks it off to happy Heathrow behind-the-scenes-land.

 

ME NO PAY!

 

N: Hands me a piece of paper and says – send me the link to your blog post when it’s done.

TICK

I walked away laughing and feeling totally ironic and sheepish as I’m clearly carrying way to much stuff on my MINIMALIST MANIFESTO.

So another clear out due before my next trip.

How much EXCESS BAGGAGE DO YOU HAVE?

After that long ramble – where can YOU see the delight of irony in your life? I know all too often we get ‘peed off’ when things go against what we say. I always prefer to ATTEMPT to see the hilarious side. I guess that’s what my favourite comedian Billy Connelly does – every day life through his wacky lense!

Wishing you an awesome LIGHT day

 

PS: I’m seriously going global. My books are currently being internationally published under the KEYS PRESS in the USA – so for those of you outside of South Africa, you can grab CLEAR YOUR CLUTTER here. In SA you can grab it here