How can you have the right conversations – so it’s not all bla bla bla and a mouthful of teeth!
There is an incredible POWER and emotional release that comes from having COURAGEOUS CONVERSATIONS. And more often than not you have to have a different perspective to allow yourself to even go there. In the fascinating world of CLUTTER that I “play” in, I believe that holding on to things in the emotional realm can carry more weight than all the contents of your entire house, or office. Hundreds of kilograms! It is tangible, heavy, debilitating and will always keep you STUCK IN THE PAST. If you feel like your life is being ruled and ruined by others, by things that have transpired in your life perhaps it’s time to take a long hard look at what YOU NEED to do now to heal and release yourself from the pain of what you are holding onto.
Do you need to have any courageous conversations in your life? Do you even know what they are when I say the word?
When I have the privilege of sharing time with audiences as their speaker I will often get hundreds of people in a room to put their hands on their hearts, or do an old fashioned “pinkie swear” – attaching little fingers to their best friend or colleague – as a public commitment to clear out heavy emotional clutter. That’s the first step after being honest enough to admit that you even need to have one. So getting a room full of people on their feet to bravely share the courageous conversation they need to have in their life, can be an immense turning point. All too often we cannot even get to the point to ADMIT to ourselves that there is a conversation to be had, because it so much easier to stay on THIS side of the conversation. It’s safer. We also find all sorts of excuses, some conscious and others underlying that drive our behaviours unbeknownst to us …
We are too BUSY
Too locked in victim mode
Everyone else needs me right now
It will change if I just let it “be” and not rock the boat
Bla bla bla
Coming “clean” and being honest with yourself and others will positively effect you on all levels and will feel like an immense fog lifting. It won’t necessary solve it all immediately, but no longer having to hide and keep up the façade will offer some relief to your heart and soul.
What is a courageous conversation?
It is probably the one you DO NOT WANT TO HAVE. The one that fills you with the most dread, fear or embarrassment. Or the one that may possibly change your life the most through the risk and guts it requires from you. Or the one that may require you to walk away from people and places you love. The one that can turn the pit of your stomach to acid and your legs to jelly in a flash. The one that feels like it will rip you apart even just thinking about it.
Yep…the one you need to have!
OFTEN IT IS WITH YOURSELF!
You already know which one it is you need to have as you are reading this blog…but knowing humans pretty well, including myself, you are probably pushing it aside right now and pretending it’s not THE one to have… all the fear kicks in…I know what we do as I have been there!!
Here are a few examples of “opening lines” for these big ol’ chats
- I resent how much you work over the weekends, every weekend
- I have been having an affair for the past 2 years
- I am no longer in love with you, even though I love you
- I need to go into debt review and we may lose the house
- I have been making use of internet porn
- I am an alcoholic
- I’m sorry that I ……
- I’m angry at you for being absent in the kids lives
- I am illegal in this county and want to apply for legal residency
- I stole money from you ten years ago
- I have just been retrenched and I am terrified to talk about it
- You are a bully and I’m scared of you
- I really need to be acknowledged for my hard work on this project
- I love you and …will you marry me?
- I want to sell this house and move to another country
- You still owe me that money you borrowed and its affecting our friendship
- I can no longer tolerate your abuse of animals and am reporting you to the SPCA
What are the real clues you need a courageous conversation?
- There is something that hangs over you every single day causing stress
- You are hiding something from someone / several people
- There is a feeling of shame, embarrassment, guilt, fear etc
- You are angry or even slightly annoyed with someone
- The mere thought of having the conversation leaves you sweaty or anxious
- There is huge potential risk attached to the conversation
- You feel like you could “lose” something dear to you
- It is easier NOT to have the conversation ‘cos it is very uncomfortable!
Lots of us will say…. ah Kate you know I HAVE dealt with this, it is better to let sleeping dogs lie, don’t open the can of worms, it is not worth the risk, I will deal with this on my own, I’m not good with being honest etc. We have a hundred valid excuses. But if there are still any emotions that come up for you that have not been dealt with or addressed, it is always better out than buried inside you. The amount of energy it requires to keep something hidden is like holding a big beach ball under water…it always wants to pop up and bounce back on top of the water.
Is there a real RISK?
Of course there is a risk.
Let’s be real here, but life is risky every single day!
If you are trying to live your life without any risk at all, you are not truly living, and if you are trying to live your life everyday playing it too safe, you die metaphorically LONG before your death.
Risk is not always a bad thing!
There is a potentially positive risk that the outcome will be way better than you can ever have imagined, or at the very least you get to feel the relief at having had the conversation and be able to move on. But yes, to be brutally honest in some instances the outcome could be your worst nightmare. The very thing you are trying to avoid hence one of the biggest reasons you are NOT having the conversation. But at what cost to you? You may lose your job, your partner, go to jail, become bankrupt, get evicted, become the subject of a scandal and even lose friends.
But what about doing the right thing for the right reasons and being fearless to set yourself free?
Sometimes you may even need to get professional advice before having a courageous conversation. But in my experience the reward usually outweighs the risk.
You have to be willing to walk through the fire to the other side….
RIGHT – THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU NEED TO DO IN ORDER TO GET STARTED!
Yup, RIGHT NOW!
I am so passionate about this concept of LIVING FREE FROM ANXIETY and EMOTIONAL CLUTTER- releasing ourselves from all the YUCKY STUFF that holds our hearts back, causes pain and steals our power, that for me it all starts with being HONEST.
And sometimes for that, we need to create SPACE!
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